Kathy Griffin: My Life On The D-List Episode Guide, Season 5

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Kathy Griffin: She'll Cut A Bitch
She'll say a ton of hilarious things and you'll laugh really hard. Oh, you want specifics? Well, she'll talk about her mom, Maggie, who really should have her own stand-up comedy special by now. She'll also rant about the Emmys and the "Schmammys" (formally known as the Grammys.) That's the thing about Kathy. The more she mocks award shows, the more awards she seems to win.

Place Your Bette
Kathy wonders if this is the year she gets off the D-List. After all, she is a two-time Emmy winner now. But a Grammy nod for her new comedy album may just be the catalyst Kathy needs to finally get her on the A-List. So Kathy, her assistant Tiffany and her tour manager Tom drop by the Grammy headquarters to see if she might be able to bribe the Grammy people into giving her the award. Things don't go so well there, but Kathy doesn't give up hope. Later Kathy heads to Vegas to rub A-List elbows with the divine Miss M - that would be Bette Midler. Bette makes Kathy an offer she can't refuse -- a cameo in her lavish stage show at Caesar's Palace! Against the clock, Kathy has to quickly learn the choreography, improvise a costume and come up with a hilarious zinger for her part in the show. After the show, Kathy and Bette share some one-on-one girl time in Miss M's fabulous suite where they dine on fancy food, dish about Bette's impressive career and make a phone call to A-Lister Stevie Nicks to get some advice on how to woo Grammy voters. Kathy then treats Bette to her side of Vegas, a decidedly more D List take on sin city.

I Heart Lily Tomlin
All of Kathy Griffin's scheming to snag a Grammy nomination worked! Her CD earns a Grammy nod for Best Comedy Album. But being nominated is just the beginning of Kathy's master plan. To prove she's finally made it on the A List, Kathy must accomplish what only two other women in history have done - nab that Grammy. With the help of Team Griffin - tour manager Tom, assistant Tiffany and mom Maggie - Kathy begins cold calling former Grammy winners at their homes to solicit votes. Dubbed Kathy's "Grammy Telethon" - not unlike the Jerry Lewis Telethon - Team Griffin spreads the word about Kathy's incredible need to win a Grammy. Kathy also enlists her housekeeper to the cause to garner support for the Hispanic Grammy vote. Kathy's obsession takes her all the way to Canada for a meeting with comedy legend, Lily Tomlin. Being one of only two women to have won a Grammy for Best Comedy Album, getting Ms. Tomlin's endorsement can only help the cause.

Grammy Shmammy
The big day has finally arrived - it's Grammy time. Will schmoozing (and desperately begging) everyone from Lily Tomlin to Charo finally get a musical playmate for Kathy Griffin's two lonely Emmys? It's not looking good. Instead Kathy is back on her beloved D-List. Alone. And Grammy-less. After moping around the house in her pajamas for a week, Kathy receives a care package from the ultimate comfort food queen herself, Paula Deen. Kathy, who made a friend in Deen a few years ago, opens the package to find an invite from Paula to visit Savannah for some much-deserved R&R. So Team Griffin - with nemesis/pal Michael MacDonald tagging along - head to Georgia for some comfort, chicken and grits. Paula welcomes the group to her home with open arms, shows them around the sprawling estate and then instigates an impromptu cooking challenge, where Paula is forced to salvage dinner. Spirits are lifted and arteries are buttered, and for a shining Savannah moment, Kathy forgets that she is still a Grammy loser.

Paris Is My New BFF
In order to expand her fan base, Kathy decides she needs to immerse herself in and become a part of "Young Hollywood" and consults with her girlfriend Rachel True ("The Craft"). Rachel suggests she join Facebook, overhaul her wardrobe and try to get a guest spot on a hip show like "Gossip Girl." Kathy instead winds up doing a guest spot on the CW show "Privileged." Kathy then decides she needs to seek out young Hollywood princess, Paris Hilton. The new BFFs spend the day buying trendy clothes on the paparazzi haven Robertson Blvd, pose for the hundreds of photographers that are trailing their every move, and make a call to fellow BFF Snoop Dog. Meanwhile, Kathy puts her mother in charge of creating her Facebook page. After all, Maggie used to be a trained secretary so this should be right up her ally.

Maggie's Bucket List
Kathy's latest ploy to rise to A-list glory is to pen a tell-all tome about her peers, her significant others - and Ryan Seacrest. Because it's certain her mother will be book fodder, Kathy softens the blow by granting her a series of wishes, one of which is a trip to California wine country with "Mad TV" players Michael McDonald and Nicole Sullivan.

Rosie And Gloria And Griffin... Oh My!
At least the D-List queen exhibits A-list behavior: Kathy heads to Miami's luxury Star Island to buy a second home. In Miami, Kathy hangs out with Rosie O'Donnell and Gloria Estefan, and Kathy delights in the swarming fans and paparazzi. Estefan later allows Kathy to manage one of her hotels for a day.

Kathy At The Apollo
Kathy tries to attain A-list standing by reaching out to the black community. She scores a stand-up gig at the legendary Apollo Theater in Harlem - but it's on amateur night. She also meets rapper T.I. and Rev. Al Sharpton, as well as comic Katt Williams.

Norma Gay
Kathy champions gay rights, trying to raise funds for a Los Angeles organization and meeting with a group of homeless gay youths. She also hobnobs with Melissa Etheridge and attends an activist rally with Drew Barrymore and Los Angeles mayor Antonio Villaraigosa.

Official Book Club Selection
Kathy receives news that the renowned Madame Tussauds museum plans to create her wax likeness, causing Kathy to wax poetically that her star is rising. She then begins molding her memoir, consulting author Jackie Collins on how to make it steamy. She also journeys to New York for a book-cover shoot and seeks publishing help from author Salman Rushdie and Oprah Winfrey's pal Gayle King.