The Osbournes Episode Guide, Season 2 - Pazsaz Entertainment Network

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What Goes Up...
Oh, how the times have changed. The pets are running wild, Lola is throwing up, and Ozzy is taking target practice with butter knives. A deeper look at the episode reveals that indeed things have changed a bit around the Osbourne household. Kelly is well on her way to becoming a pop diva with "Papa Don't Preach" saturating the airwaves, Ozzy and Sharon are in the thick of the limelight as they are invited to a presidential reception at the White House, and Jack, well, he is holding down the fort by giving unwanted visitors a small shower. After her performance at the MTV movie awards, Kelly and Jack playfully argue on the ride home, as Jack rediscovers the joys of the 'McRib.' How could life get any better?

Must Come Down
After experiencing a string of amazing events, things have come crashing down for the Osbourne family. Disaster strikes as Sharon is diagnosed with colon cancer. Ozzy tries to remain sober on the road with the help of his spiritually enlightened AA sponsor. Kelly is in New York working on her album, and Jack vies for attention by breaking his arm while jumping off a Malibu pier. The episode concludes with the family in their Malibu home (except for Kelly) playing with fires, birds and one another. Will they survive? Of course they will.

The Ozz Man And The Sea
Kelly takes off for her European singing tour. Jack makes his acting debut on "Dawson's Creek" and Ozzy battles the elements trying to build a fire for Sharon on the beach at Malibu. Ozzy's fire-building exploits include: a trip to the supermarket to shop for firewood and a visit to the Malibu Fire station to inquire about a permit. Ozzy, not exactly known as the rugged, outdoorsman type, caps it off with a comical attempt at deep-sea fishing.

The Beauty And The Bert
Love rears its ugly head in the Osbourne household, as Kelly reluctantly brings home her first boyfriend, Bert. Ozzy, like most dads, is completely oblivious, while Jack spends the days gossiping about her new beau and his showering habits, or lack there of. Sharon is beside herself with motherly concern over this smelly rocker. Clearly jealous that he has Kelly's attention, Sharon does her best to thwart the romance. Kelly, as you could guess is not pleased.

Smells Like Teen Spirits
Jack and Kelly are getting a little too wild with their partying lifestyle. Sharon and her father, Don, are reunited after twenty years of not speaking to each other. Ozzy, on a burrito eating binge, finds out that he's a grandfather and eats more burritos.

Meow Means No!
Kelly's friend Sara is fired from her band. Gus the cat and Arthur the dog are caught in an uncompromising position. And Jack's lovable, freeloading friend, Jason Dill, returns to pay the family a visit!

It's A Hard Knock Life
Kelly is starting to feel the pressure of being a Pop Diva, as she throws a flurry of temper tantrums regarding her ever-busy work schedule. Meanwhile, Sharon is convinced that Kelly should marry P. Diddy, who bought Kelly an expensive watch after one of his bodyguards knocked her over at a backstage party. Jack works through some problems with one of the bands that he manages. Kelly plays her new single for Ozzy, who is very proud of her.

Viva Ozz-Vegas
The family packs up the jet plane and heads to Vegas, where Ozzy performs a concert and Kelly celebrates her 18th Birthday. Too young to legally drink or gamble, Jack ends up stuck in his hotel room watching TV with his buddies. Kelly and her friend, Sara, go on a rampage, which includes Sara performing a striptease to the dismay of Ozzy, Sharon, and other horrified adults and Kelly going toe-to-toe with Jack and his friends.

Cleanliness Is Next To Ozzyness
Ozzy, is obsessed with keeping all house pets and germs away from Sharon and he makes everyone in the house get a flu shot. Jack bonds with Robert, the newest member of the Osbourne family and shows him an important family tradition--how to make beans on toast. Ozzy finds out that he won't be able to have sex with Sharon for 9 months...